Horst Vanderhof: [to Marshall about Mary] I mean, admit it... She is one of the angriest, most controlling, most toxic women I've ever encountered, and I work for a female assassin.
Marshall: Maintaining such a dim view of humanity. Isn't it exhausting?
Mary: That's why they made energy drinks.
Mary: If I ever run into the son-of-a-bitch that promised me a life of excitement and unlimited opportunity as a US Marshal, I'll shoot off both his kneecaps.
Mary: My mom always says if you can't say something nice just say the bad stuff really fast.
Marshall: Your claws are showing.
Mary: They don't retract.
Peter: Please don’t Mary the situation.
Mary: What is that supposed to mean? And don’t make my name a verb.
Mary: High school me would have eaten high school you for breakfast.
Mary: I smacked an Indian in the johnson with a bar of soap today. Just thought you should know.
Marshall: What is your beef with humanity?
Mary: I don’t have a beef with humanity. It’s people I can't stand.
Mary: The world is full of assholes. Why would I want to connect with that?
Mary: It's from a play I did in high school. I know, hard to believe. While some kids were experimenting with drugs, I experimented with musicals. Just as harmful.
Mary: Hey numbnuts, as long as she's my witness, she stays safe. She bails on the program, you're right, I don't care about her. She can get hit by a dump truck and die.
Mary: Man of Honor? That's not an oxymoron?
Marshall: Technically no.
Mary: Hm. Okay. It's a something moron though I'm pretty sure.
Mary: I'm a member of the US Marshal service, the oldest branch of law enforcement this country's ever seen. I can arrest the president if it's warranted.
Mary: I suck with kids.
Marshall: So? You suck with grownups too.
Mary: Can I be blunt?
Major Provo: I'm not sure you can't be.
Mary: One way or another, I am going to nail that guy. I mean literally nail him, fillet his hide to a tree, spread it with jam, and watch the squirrels go to town.
Mary: Got three bedrooms. Check this out. One is my bedroom. One is my office and the other is I have no idea. How great is that? I have got an entire room with no defined purpose. I can fill it with Corn Flakes if I wanted.
Marshall: I'm not sure this neighborhood is zoned for Corn Flakes but an intriguing notion none the less.
Mary: Okay then. Sand. I can fill it with sand. Better yet, bullets. You can never have too many bullets. That's my bullet room. I have a bullet room.
Marshall (about Mary): They picked the wrong girl to kidnap. I bet you anything she broke his nose.
Mary (her phone rings in the middle of Marshall saying something): Hold that thought. For, you know, ever.
Marshall: We have good friends here. A good word could make that excessive bail a little more makeable.
Evita: You put that in writing.
Mary: Would you be okay with calligraphy? I was thinking calligraphy. SPEAK.
Mary: Perfect is overrated. Write it in Latin and it would be the Shannon family motto.
Mary: (picks up her phone) This is Mary.
Brandi: Hey, it's Brandi!
Mary: I'm not home right now but if you'd like to leave a message...
Brandi: You'll what? You'll still not call me back?
Marshall: How did he sound?
Mary: How do you think? Arrogant. He sounded arrogant. Like he's better than everyone and right about everything.
Marshall: (tips his head, raises an eyebrow, and gives Mary a look.)
Mary: Yeah, but I really am.
AUSA: (holding up the defense's witness list) Know what this is?
Mary: Jeez, earth sciences were never my strong suit. Is that a piece of paper?
Marshall: (after Mary willingly gave in to not being in charge of the new pair of witnesses) You're okay with taking a back seat?
Mary: Are you kidding? It's goofus and galen in there. The back seat is the least I could hope for. I would hope for the trunk!
Shelly Finkel: I've never met anyone as good at their job as you.
Mary: Yeah, I guess I don't suck at it...
Shelly Finkel: I've also never met anyone who has more stress in their life than you.
Mary: (after she's been sent home from work to rest since she's six months pregnant) It's preggist is what it is. And yes, I just made up that word. You can't just order someone to relax.
Marshall: Yeah, what kind of tyrant does that?
Mary: One looking to get bitch slapped by Gloria Alright. That's what kind.
Major Provo: You win every argument with your boyfriend, don't you?
Mary: Wow, the practiced casual boyfriend drop in. Gotta say, I was kind of expecting more. And, for the record, I prefer condomly challenged ex-douche bag.
Mary: Honestly, all I'm thinking now is how I could eat my body weight in blue corn enchiladas, soft beef tacos, and I wanna say a side of sauerkraut?
Mary: (after Marshall says he's leaving for an 8-10 day witness transfer) You owe me nine dollars for lunch last week, so don't get shot and die.
Major Provo: Are you going to let that go any time soon?
Mary: Define soon.
Ronnie: You look at me and all you see is a con man. I never had a chance. Mom drank, dad split before Goodnight Moon. By the time I hit grammar school all I knew is to look out for myself. You don't think a guy as smart as I am doesn't realize that's a road to nowhere? You think I'm blind to all that? Doing what I do, I am truly and fully alone. I know there's nothing real. No attachments. I don't deserve them.
Mary: Ronnie, God. You were talking to me that whole time?
Ronnie: Wow, cold. You would have made a killer conman.
Mary: I get a better pension.
Mary: Now you're going to answer my questions or I'm going to drag you out of here by your surprisingly small wee wee.
Mary: Look at that thing! That's dumpster fire ugly. I've puked prettier.
Mark: (the father of Mary's baby who doesn't know yet) Is that a baby?
Mary: (pointing to her eight month belly) What that? No. That's a basketball. Just, you know, easier to carry this way. Frees up the hands.
Ronnie: You're like a lone wolf. A wolfstress if you will.
Mary: I really, really won't.
Mary: Bye, Bug.
Jinx: (waving baby Norah's hand at Mary as she leaves) Bye, bye Mommy! Can you say bye bye to Mommy?
Mary: No because she can't speak.
Marshall: We're talking about Stan.
Mary: What about him? (After she doesn't receive a response just a raised eyebrow) Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. Is there Stan gossip?
Marshall: (Raises his hands in a well, yes gesture.)
Mary: I'm on the sidelines for six months and you withhold? You know I live for Stan gossip. Alright, hit me.
Marshall: Stanley McQueen has taken a lover.
Mary: No. Oh my God, this is huuuge! And... ew.
Heather: Lucky for us we have something he doesn't.
Mary: Jet packs? Pie? Please say pie.
Mary: What is that music? I swear if you took my kid to a strip club...
Marshall: (to Mary) That's when I know I'm up a creek, when you go from semi-hostile teasing to openly supportive.
Mary: (while standing above Patek with a gun) Abu Patek. That's fun to say. You know what else is fun to say? You're under arrest.
Mary: I want to do this on an empty stomach. I'm 12% more judgmental that way.
Marshall: Only 12?
Marshall: (to Mary) Never in my life have I been kicked out of a room. Now this is twice in two weeks. You're a bad influence.
Random Dad: Who the hell are you?
Mary: A sleep deprived mom with a glock and an itchy trigger finger.
Marshall: You and Raph didn't work out so how, pray tell, did the story end?
Mary: Shoot me now.
Marshall: You don't do well with unresolved. Understandable given your decided lack of resolution with your father.
Mary: Okay, Freud. Kick back, put your feet up. You know sometimes a cigar is just a....
Marshall: Mary. It's me.
Mary: Okay. Fine. So sure. So maybe I'm curious and want to see how things turned out.
Marshall: You just want to know if she's pretty or not.
Mary: I hate it when you know me.
Mary: (after her father shows up at her house after 32 years) I've pictured this moment a million times, each one different. But it always ended the same.
James: (reaches out his arms to hug her)
Mary: (arm locks him and slaps the cuffs on) James Wiley Shannon, you're under arrest.
Mary: You're following the wrong person, Dickhead.
O'Connor: You're really going to need to get help for that anger problem.
Mary: I don't have an anger problem. I have a stupid problem.
Mary: Unreal. Single mom, US Marshal, wanted for aiding and abetting an FBI fugitive. And he's her dad. Lifetime movie practically writes itself.
Scott Worley: (about Mary) Can't you talk some sense into her?
Marshall: She doesn't speak sense.
O'Connor: [pointing to Mary] I want her gone, McQueen! Now!
Mary: Oh, let me just give you back my visitor's badge. Oh wait, that's right, you're in my office asshole.
Marshall: How's she take it? Did she sound mad? Really mad? Fit to be tied? Furious?
Stan: Actually she sounded happy.
Marshall: That can't be good.
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